Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
