Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
