you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
