There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
