the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
