I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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