I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
