You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
