True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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