Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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