help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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