I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm like, not good at living.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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