I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
