My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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