so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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