Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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