That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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