my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
