So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
