the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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