Soap is not a condiment
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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