You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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