in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I need moral support for this bender
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
