how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
