Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
