hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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