You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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