sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
