every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
