Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
