Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
