in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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