Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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