This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
