I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
