I want to make a zoo with you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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