you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
