yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
