i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
