Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am midnight drunk by noon
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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