I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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