Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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