my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
