In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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