Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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