It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
