Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he's gonorrhea incarnate
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
