I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
