Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Two words: nipple clamps
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