i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
