Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
