I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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