He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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