You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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