she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
