I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
