hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
