she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize