You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
