I wanna passion pit in your ass
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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