i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
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I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
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Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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