so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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