HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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