i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need a beard to bite.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
