your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
