You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
