I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
