I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
