Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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