Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
