My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
