Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
