Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
