hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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