Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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