I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize