and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize