Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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